This document may have been among the Dead Sea Scrolls: Is it genuine?

Behold, a certain man had a niece whose name was Sarsparilla and the voice of this woman was of exceeding great beauty ; with it she compassed all thenotes from Tenor E to the A above the treble staff. When she sang the birds of the air fell silent that they might learn of her; and the voice of the turtle was not heard in the land.

In those days, there was a King in that country whose name was Eno; and he loved music above all things.

He was rich, for his medicines had worked wondrous things on those who were sick; multitudes from every corner of the earth had paid him tribute, and his treasure multiplied greatly.

Pic 1: King Eno conducts a rehearsal

He said unto his sons, I will raise up a great chorus, with singers of solos also, and players upon the pipes and viols; and this company shall be known by my name, that is to say it shall be called Eno.

And Sarsparilla shall be of the number; for her voice is as unto that of a lark ascending unto the Heavens.

After many years had passed even the great wealth of Eno was spent; thus he went unto the chief God of the people, whose name was Lottery and told this God how matters fared with his company.

And Lottery granted Eno much gold; yea, even unto the uttermost farthing that was needful.

Pic 2: Lottery Grant

Then was King Eno glad and called before him all the singers and players of his company, saying; Take now these tokens and signs that I give you.

Let your kindred and your neighbour and your neighbour’s wife – but not his ox nor his ass – show the tokens unto the doorkeepers; and they shall be suffered to pass into place of singing without payment of gold or silver.

And Sarsparilla went unto her beloved, whose name was Burglar Bill, and she tempted him with these words; I will present unto my uncle a token that the King has given unto me.

I will give it for a performance in which I have no part, but this last I will not tell him; then, when he sitteth with King Eno and the company we shall go unto his dwelling and remove those of his possessions that we covet.

And they put upon themselves garments marked with stripes of red and with stripes of black and on their faces they put masks, that none might know them; and on their shoulders they bore sacks whereupon were the mystical symbols S.W.A.G.

Then Sarsparilla spake unto Burglar Bill saying, Thou knowest the ways of the watchmen, called by the Amalekites the cops and by the Hittites the fuzz; What answer shall we make unto them if they ask us what we have in them there sacks?

Burglar Bill was wise in the ways of the watchmen and he said, Cast not pearls before them but place in their palms coins of gold and also of silver; then shall they accept the gifts and vanish in silence as does snow when sun shineth upon it.

And Sarsparilla did these things and Burglar Bill’s words were just; yea. like puffs of smoke did those bogeys vanish.

But her uncle, coming unto his dwelling place from the courts of Eno, was wrath at the great desolation that he found; and he went unto the house marked by a lantern of blue, wherein the watchmen invented evidence.

And they said unto the uncle of Sarsparilla, Lo! There is no clue to show who has done these things; verily, Sherlock Holmes’ spirit would groan within him and Miss Marple herself would be astonied and cast down.

Pic 3: Sarsparilla in Title role of the opera “Susannah”
(libretto and music by King David)

David Bridgeman-Sutton, 2005
email David